The Anxiety Before College Selection Anxiety
Focus on the Journey, Not the Destination.
I recently wrote about the anxiety each Spring brings to students (and their parents) as they struggle to make a college selection that seemingly sets the course of their entire lives. My advice: Relax…it’s not about where one goes as much as what one does once on campus. Where or whether to go to college may seem to be a monumental decision, but it probably doesn’t matter as much as most people think.
The extraordinarily successful people I have known in my life have been everything from high school dropouts to the holders of multiple PhDs. Wherever you go, whatever you do, there will be chances to learn that will set your life’s trajectory; it’s what you do when presented with these opportunities that really matters. And the college application process that gets students to this point can be even more agonizing for them and their parents.
Unsurprisingly, securing a seat at an elite university is a goal most American college-bound students seek, as it is supposedly a surefire means to a life of status and success. Parents start the process early, trying to give their kids every conceivable advantage: advanced placement classes, SAT prep courses, community service, college essay practice, etc. Some parents even encourage their kids to focus on less competitive sports to gain an edge. Others go so far as to hire “college application consultants” to package their kids as more attractive prospects at costs of up to several hundred thousand dollars. And some are willing to go much, much further.
In 2019, the “Varsity Blues” college admissions scandal exposed some of the scheming and scams, shattering the notion that our university system was a ladder of meritocracy. The allegations included bribing admissions officers, paying for others to take SATs, faking disabilities to get more time taking tests, and buying off coaches to have applicants falsely labeled as elite recruited athletes. One student was called an African-American tennis star, even though he was white and didn’t play tennis; another’s face was photoshopped onto a picture of someone else playing a sport the student had never actually played.
Lately, as the children of my friends and colleagues grow and approach college age, I am often asked about my experiences and if there is any advice I might have on how to apply and get into a top school. I tell them all the same thing:
There’s no set formula.
I say this based on lots of experience with students in elite schools. I personally graduated from Yale and MIT; I taught at Yale and Harvard. I have served as an alumni interviewer for decades. I have seen hundreds if not thousands of the students who have been admitted to these elite institutions. I have carefully observed the admissions process, and I have ruminated on the qualities, skills, traits, and backgrounds of those who got in and those who did not. And here’s my conclusion as to how the “best of the best” are selected: There is no secret sauce, there aren’t any magic words, there’s no way to honestly influence the process.
Sure, it takes a lot of hard work and intelligence to get into the pool of qualified candidates. And yes, some might be the children of alumni (i.e. “legacies”) or star athletes, which might give them an “edge,” but from there the process may be more random than you might think.
As David McCullough Jr. – a high school teacher and son of historian David McCullough Sr. – noted during a commencement address at Wellesley High school, there are 37,000 high schools in the United States and that means there are, “37,000 valedictorians…37,000 class presidents…92,000 harmonizing altos…340,000 swaggering jocks…” No student is special, he concludes, because everyone is special. For anyone who hasn’t seen his speech, I’ve pasted a link below. It’s well worth the time.
So, my advice for parents is simple: Take a deep breath and relax. Sure, push your kids to do well but also give them the tools they will need to succeed in life, don’t just check boxes for the admissions process. Let your kids enjoy their childhood and encourage them to enjoy college. And of course, savor your time with them while they are under your roof; once kids leave the nest, most will learn to fly and may never fully return.
And my advice for students: Be genuine, work hard, and do your best. Volunteer to help the homeless, not to impress an admissions officer. Run track not to become a recruited athlete, but because you love running. Read and study not for the sake of a grade but for to acquire new knowledge. Doing so will generate fulfillment from service, physical habits that keep you healthy, and intellectual capacity to thrive in an ever-changing world. Focus on the journey, not the destination, because the journey is all there is. And in the end, we are all destined for the same place.
VIKRAM MANSHARAMANI is an entrepreneur, consultant, scholar, neighbor, husband, father, volunteer, and professional generalist who thinks in multiple-dimensions and looks beyond the short-term. Self-taught to think around corners and connect original dots, he spends his time speaking with global leaders in business, government, academia, and journalism. He’s currently the Chairman and CEO of Goodwell Foods, a manufacturer of private label frozen pizza. LinkedIn has twice listed him as its #1 Top Voice in Money & Finance, and Worth profiled him as one of the 100 Most Powerful People in Global Finance. Vikram earned a PhD From MIT, has taught at Yale and Harvard, and is the author of three books, The Making of a Generalist: An Independent Thinker Finds Unconventional Success in an Uncertain World, Think for Yourself: Restoring Common Sense in an Age of Experts and Artificial Intelligence and Boombustology: Spotting Financial Bubbles Before They Burst. Vikram lives in Lincoln, New Hampshire with his wife and two children, where they can usually be found hiking or skiing.